Maybe you have found yourself in a situation where the “problem” that you are currently going through makes you think that nothing is worth it anymore, and the reasons you have do not seem as motivating, but more as an obligation.
I could write many pages about my life story, but I will only share the important points.
First of all, we should know that it has not been very easy to realize that our habits, the people with whom we surround ourselves with, our work, not knowing ourselves and especially the decisions we make, are consequences that make us believe that our problems will continue existing without any solution. In my case, as time went by, I began to act negatively.
You should also know that there are no rules, that there is no specific format, that there are no steps to follow and everything will be solved. It is a set of “learning and concepts” that is making the ideas and decision-making to be accurate.
You should also know that during all this journey, I cried, I enjoyed myself, I “let go,” I became angry, I forgave myself, and I forgave others. I stayed away from things and people; I loved and valued myself. I appreciated things and people. I prayed on my knees. I stood up and decided to continue again and again.
In the end, I hope you know what to do. And if you feel bad for something that you did in your life, and it is painful to think about it, you should know that this pain at the end will bring you peace of mind.
It hurts to realize that it is better to stay away from something or someone who we thought was good for us but hurts us at the end. It hurts to realize that perhaps were wrong. Overall, if you have clear short-term goals, will guide you to be able to specify some long-term goals. You should not hold any grudges, no self-pity, do not blame yourself for anything, only take responsibility for your actions, and I’ll let you know why.
In my life, there were some factors that, according to me, were the main causes of my “misery”.
My parents died 22 years ago, imagine: I was 15 years old, in high school, complaining and blaming God, and not allowing myself to be happy. There was someone who supported me; there were others who thought that I was not going to be able to do anything. At the same time, there was someone I loved and who loved me. There were also some people who disappointed me and whom I disappointed as well. I did not see myself as in the fairy tale dream, where everyone lives happily ever after with a big house and a beautiful dog playing in the backyard; it was not my dream.
When my parents died, I was able to get by with the financial support that others provided for me at the time. And I was always grateful. Later, I got a job, and I was able to support myself with my salary. What else could I ask for? However, I was stable for a while but did not last for too long.
Throughout my life, I made decisions that I thought were okay, without thinking about the consequences. There were times of growth and others where I did not know what to do. My failures bothered me because I was unable to achieve something that would benefit me. For courage, pride, luck or whatever I moved on. During this journey, I meet good and bad people; some people wanted to see me destroyed.
I saw myself in a stressful situation. Until it reached the point where I realized that I was in a vicious circle— that vicious circle that doesn’t allow you to move forward. There are times when you do not realize that you are in it, even though other people tell you that you are in a vicious circle and you should get out of it. Moreover, when I had my son, who was a loved and wanted child, it was still a turning point in my life because my situation did not get any better. Nevertheless, I knew that I must’ve continue to move on.
What should you do when you do not know what to do?
Let me tell you that we must do a lot. To begin with, what made me fall in love and made me feel protected, was to understand the following expression: “everything happens for a reason.” I then approached to God and had more communication with Him; and learned to listen to God in silence and have faith. Indeed, I am not trying to talk to you about religion, but rather about spirituality, to help you to deal with whatever is tormenting you and leave everything in the hands of that “Someone” You consider Supreme Being.
Without harming third parties, ask yourself to open to new possibilities and solutions. Use a time for yourself where you will pray, meditate, cry, and above all, appreciate everything you have. Use that moment to communicate and understand yourself; to realize that you have unique possibilities and abilities, where you will demand more from yourself and forgive yourself. Believe!! Believe that you can improve, that you can have a quiet life, remember that money doesn’t give you peace.
I learned to accept the consequences and accept responsibilities. Therefore, I would suggest that you get away from what you perfectly know would hurt you (even if you don’t want too). When you let go, you will receive good things. When we thank and ask for protection, move away from evil, move away from what doesn’t belong to us, will work out for the best.
I learned through coaching the real reasons for my sadness, and then I found solutions. As I mentioned, it is hard to accept that my current situation is only the result of uninformed decisions, of not knowing what I did or said wrong. In addition to coaching, I was learning definitions of concepts that I knew existed, but I did not pay attention to it, until I began to carry out certain practices and knowledge, but above all, understanding.
I recognized that I was going through a grieving process without knowing that I did it. It comforted me to know that what my parents and grandparents did was not my responsibility, but theirs. Many times, what parent and grandparents experience in their lives can affect their children and grandchildren because they can teach them good and bad behaviors that they can eventually be passed on to the next generation. Therefore, these learned behavior patterns can affect continuous generations until someone stops these teaching patterns.
I practice resilience, which is to react in the best way to oneself without harming others, without hurting yourself.
I learned emotional intelligence and assertiveness in my actions and my words. I accepted that what I was doing was also going to affect my son’s life and his future decisions as an adult. I want you to know that there is something fundamental to make this all work because we must fill ourselves with good things and make functional changes. It is essential to understand ourselves when we are in a difficult situation. We must begin by trying to find the root of the problem and to formulate objectives. We should do an autoanalysis, without mistreating ourselves, without blaming ourselves. This autoanalysis is only to know where we are? To ask ourselves why and for what? Write down everything you have done well, and congratulate yourself for it. Write down everything you done wrong. Once you have this list, talk about it with your family, friends, and those who care about you. Love yourself because it will encourage you to ask for help. Investigate, ask, forgive yourself and reconcile with God. If we practice these activities, could helps us to see life in a calmly and positive way.
This change will not be an easy process; however, I can assure you that your mind will stop sabotaging you and your decisions will be precise in order to reach your goals. I would say that it will be easy, but that depends on you. I could tell you that you will never cry or feel sad, but that also depends on your level of understanding, the input that you give and the activities that you can do to be able to have a better life. Ask for attention, ask that you’ll be at the right time with the right people. Just remember that there are always challenges that will test your skills, abilities values, principles, and your resolve.
Remain strong even though are angry or sad. Analyze your life and your environment and figure out what you would like to do with it. You should be clearer about your contributions to others so your life experience will be better. I hear the expression “I don’t care what people will say about me” This expression can be okay until a certain point; nevertheless, we must remember that we should be grateful, share our knowledge and our emotions. Set up boundaries and try not to harm and be harmed. By doing this, you can find peace in your life. Find help. Remember that there might be others that are going through the same experience that you are now and there are others who are there to help you.
Look for help, please. Of course, receive my best wishes.
Written By: Fanny Juárez.
Radio Host and Life Coach.